Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so much tequila, so little girl.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
