he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
