what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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