U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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