I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
