That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
