you win again, gameday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You pole danced in your parka.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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