Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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