God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Please don't give away my fajitas
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize