Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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