My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
