I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
