i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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