Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
