Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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