plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
being pregnant is like rehab
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
