The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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