So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
