it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
