I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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