Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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