Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
