The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
