I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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