Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
