just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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