i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
