My underwear smells like fireworks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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