I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
