If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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