I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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