Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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