Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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