Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
