the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
