just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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