He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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