She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
