If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
