I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
