1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
