I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
