He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
