I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
