i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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