i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
