bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
