is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
