I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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