I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
