So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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