I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
