I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
