he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
