I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
