Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize