We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
