I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize