We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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