my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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