If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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