I am midnight drunk by noon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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