I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dear god my vagina.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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