Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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