totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
