You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
