Im at strip club and am horny
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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