my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
