I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
