And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
