I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
