I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize