I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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